The Miracle of Charlie Brown

It was far too warm in the crowded waiting room entombed in the depths of the airless hospital. I had been patiently waiting more than two hours and was about to join a number of my fellow sufferers in their refuge of gentle sleep. But suddenly my dulled senses were refreshed by a shrill cry.
“Mr. Charlie Brown. Please!” It was the green clad auxiliary calling the next patient. Cruelly jolted out of my reverie, I felt in the very depths of my water that it was one of those days when something crazy could occur at any time. I did not have long to wait before my premonition was confirmed by the remarkable reaction to the annunciation of this truly unremarkable name. It started with a peal of hysterical laughter from a high tenor sitting in the back row of backbreaking chairs. This was orchestrated by voices of every conceivable pitch until the room reverberated with a discordant anthem of uncontrollable mirth. It was a cacophony of sound that began loudly and became progressively louder until it reached a decibel level far in excess of the comfort zone. As it continued unabated, members of this disjointed chorus began to suffer ill effects from their exertions. The first casualty was the pale and perplexed Daisy Trot who, having stimulated the more acute symptoms of her asthmatic condition, was sucking frantically on her repertoire of coloured puffers. This she cleverly orchestrated with a succession of moans reminiscent of a heifer desperately seeking a confiscated offspring. Sitting next to her was the recently impregnated Iris who was soothing the more tender parts of her distended stomach. While, next to her, the larger than life twins Eirwen and Ellen slipped gently to the carpeted floor. There they lay helpless under their great weight, struggling for breath and sobbing with exhaustion. But it was the lovely Serena who stole the limelight when her giggles exploded with such energy that the tears ran down her inflamed cheeks and her personal waters trickled down her tights to seep from her sandal clad feet. It was not long before an ominous damp patch grew in the area shadowed beneath her widespread legs. In the centre of the room the braless Bettina shuddered and shook until she set free her significant breasts from the inadequate restraint of a low cut dress. These she allowed to gyrate unheeded like a pair of animated cherry topped blancmanges.
There was bound to be a physical limit to this frenetic activity and eventually the laughter subsided sufficiently to provide the perplexed auxiliary with the opportunity to locate her elusive patient. She clapped her hands and called his name again, but this time she infused a little sardonic humour into her delivery. This she mistakenly believed to be in the spirit of the occasion.
“Charlie Brown are you there! Come in Mr Brown. Your time is up”
From behind the shelter of a broad pillar a tall slim well-dressed Negro uncoiled his languid stature, hesitated for a while to survey the chaotic scene about him, cast a long hard look at the green auxiliary and then with one metre strides carried his two metre frame towards her. He inclined his head to hear her instructions and stooping low disappeared through one of the three green doors, which lead to salvation or, perhaps, eternal oblivion.
This sudden appearance of the elegantly dressed Negro, in response to the oddly couched call struck home a note of reality and an eerily contrasting silence descended upon the room. On his departure many of its incumbents examined themselves for personal damage. But the pallid Daisy Trot continued to launch, potentially, lethal doses of Salbutamol and Beclamethasone into her unsuspecting lungs. Anna, oblivious to her surroundings moaned softly as she continued to fondle her distension, while the twins hastily adjusted their disarranged tresses to make themselves decent enough to avoid critical scrutiny from the now increasingly rational assemblage. Serena became morbidly aware of the warm discomfiture of her moist knickers and viewed with some concern the expanding damp circle beneath her feet. Bettina on the other hand, a young lady without shame, gave a gracious bow in appreciation of the ripple of applause she attracted for the delicate manner in which she flipped her breasts into their rightful quarters.
Though all were settling after their exertions, many were afraid to move or breathe-as if they feared to draw attention to themselves, In the depths of the resultant silence one could have heard a capillary dropping to the carpeted floor: indeed it would have shattered the peace of that strange room of changing moods. It was in this eerie ambience that time seemed to stand still and the incumbents became aware of a revelation. Indeed it could be better described as a miracle for all their many and varied symptoms had been swept away on the appearance of the tall elusive Negro. To the amazement of the nursing staff the room steadily emptied and the corridor leading from it was besieged by a chattering band of contented beings hurrying to resume the delights of normal life. Behind them, the waiting room was deserted save for the lovely Serena and myself. She was snoring damp in contented sleep. The place, however, was littered with a mess of discarded medical appliances. Polly’s puffers decorated the front row and Serena’s patch continued to grow and threaten the possibility of permanence. There were discarded wheelchairs, N.H.S walking sticks, crutches of every shape and size, plaster casts and even a detached set of impersonal false teeth.
The nursing staff, surveying the scene, shrugged their shoulders and in turn retired through the green doors where they could reflect, at their leisure, on the strange happenings of the afternoon. But there was one remaining mystery: the tall handsome Negro had not returned to the waiting room via the green door. The lights were switched off and this awakened me from my slumber. I gently aroused Serena and pondered on the disappearance of the tall handsome Negro who had earlier walked through the green door and, vanished into oblivion.